What Is a Gender Neutral Wedding Ceremony?

Failing to accommodate diverse couples in wedding ceremonies may lead to discomfort and resentment on a special day. Since 2000, my team has crafted gender-inclusive ceremonies, setting a safe setting to celebrate love and commitment. I'm explaining what a gender neutral wedding ceremony is and how you can achieve it.

What Is a Gender Neutral Wedding Ceremony?

A gender neutral wedding ceremony is designed to be inclusive of couples by avoiding traditions and language that impose heteronormative gender roles. It allows couples of different identities to feel recognized and represented. Couples can express their unique identities and commitments through neutral options for attire, titles, vows, and roles.

Gender-inclusive weddings welcome LGBT, non-binary, and straight couples alike to celebrate marriage in a way that feels authentic. It's important to create a celebration that feels authentic and welcoming for everyone involved, regardless of gender identity.

Components of Gender Neutral Weddings

To fully understand what happens in a gender neutral wedding ceremony, consider different elements that create an inclusive and welcoming atmosphere.

Non-Gendered Language

Whenever I discuss with couples how to have an inclusive ceremony, I start by explaining the importance of inclusive language. This means replacing traditional gender-specific terms with neutral alternatives that celebrate the uniqueness and diversity of each couple. Here are some examples:

• Instead of using "bride" and "groom," opt for terms like "spouses," "newlyweds," "nearlyweds," "marriers," or "partners".
• Swap out "bridesmaids" and "groomsmen" for the more inclusive term "wedding party" or "attendants".
• Use "flower person," "flower pal," or "flower child" in place of the traditional "flower girl" and "ring bearer".

Unisex Roles

Traditional heteronormative wedding ceremonies assign strict gender roles to the wedding party. For instance, only women can be bridesmaids, and only men can be groomsmen. The beauty of an inclusive ceremony is that it opens up these roles to any gender.

• You aren't bound by the traditional dichotomy of "bride" and "groom" sides. Decide who gets to stand by your side on the big day, regardless of societal gender expectations.
• You can choose individuals of any gender identity to take on other ceremonial roles. A woman can officiate, a non-binary person can be the ring bearer or flower girl/boy/person, and a man can be a maid of honor.

Inclusive Wedding Ceremony Actions

Gender-inclusive ceremonies break away from traditional binary roles and promote a more accepting, welcoming environment. Take these actions so that everyone involved in your special day understands and respects the importance of inclusivity.

Rethink Certain Traditions

One of the first steps I take is to consider alternatives to commonly gendered traditions.

• Have both partners walk down the aisle together or separately rather than being escorted by a specific member of the family
• Choose neutral or inclusive terms for wedding party roles
• Rethink the processional and family roles

Prepare Inclusive Decor

I select colors, flowers, and other elements that don't cater to traditional gender norms. Instead of strictly "masculine" or "feminine" colors, I opt for a more diverse and harmonious color palette. This helps create an atmosphere where guests can feel welcome and included.

Create Personalized Vows

I encourage you to make vows that reflect your unique relationship and beliefs. To achieve this, I work closely with the couple and the wedding officiant to develop an inclusive wedding script. This includes replacing any gendered terms or phrases with respectful language and representative of a couple's identity.

Go Beyond the Traditional Attire

Attire is a key way to break from restrictive gender norms in your ceremony. Avoid "bride" and "groom" categories, and let each select attire that expresses their identity.

• Choose your own attire, whether that's suits, dresses, or something else
• Make suits or dresses optional
• Accommodate attire needs of trans, non-binary, or gender-fluid wedding party
• Focus on inclusive colors, styles, and dress codes rather than enforcing gender

Planning Tips for a Gender-Inclusive Wedding

By remaining aware of the challenges and adapting accordingly, it is possible to plan beautiful, inclusive, gender neutral weddings that reflect the values and identities of LGBT couples.

Find an LGBT-Friendly Wedding Planner

Hiring the right wedding planner can make a massive difference in the success of your wedding.

• Look for recommendations from friends and online reviews
• Research previous work and check their experience in LGBT weddings
• Ask about their approach to inclusivity during the initial consultation

Face Legal Aspects of a Same-Sex or Non-binary Wedding

When planning gender neutral weddings, one of the challenges I have encountered is navigating the legal aspects. For example, specific marriage licenses, forms, or ceremonies may use gendered language. 

I strive to help couples find ways to adapt these legal aspects to have a wedding that honors and celebrates unique identities and values.

• Research where same-sex couples can get married 
• Check local marriage laws and requirements
• Communicate your intentions early with the officiant
• Explore options to modify ceremony language or customize vows

Frequently Asked Questions

What Is the Gender Neutral Term for Someone You Married?

The gender neutral term for someone you married is "spouse" or "partner". Using "spouse" instead of husband or wife, you can embrace inclusive language that acknowledges and respects the diverse spectrum of gender identities in my marriage.

What Is the Declaration of Intent for a Gender Neutral Wedding?

The declaration of intent in a gender neutral wedding ceremony typically replaces "man and wife" with inclusive phrasing like "I take you to be my spouse/partner/love" to be more welcoming to LGBT and non-binary couples. This allows both individuals in the relationship to be recognized and respected equally.

How to Have a Non-binary Wedding?

For a non-binary wedding, avoid gendered language, attire, and traditions, using gender-inclusive terms for the couple and wedding party. Adapt traditional rituals to be more inclusive. For example, allow wedding party members to choose attire that best aligns with their gender identity.

Conclusion

Understanding what gender neutral weddings are enables you to focus on inclusivity and eliminate gender-specific roles and titles. With years of experience organizing gender-inclusive ceremonies, professional wedding planners at Thomas Bui Lifestyle can provide invaluable insights and suggestions to make the event truly unique and reflect your values.